When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years
theonion.com
My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whenever you’re feeling low, just remember that I, Donald Trump, will be dead in roughly 15 to 20 years.

Thanks, Onion, that does make me feel better.

  • 200ok@lemmy.worldEnglish
    11·
    2 hours ago

    For those who don’t want to click away, here are some of the highlights:

    Published: January 23, 2013

    …

    Whenever you’re feeling low, just remember that I, Donald Trump, will be dead in roughly 15 to 20 years.

    …

    Biologically speaking, I, the host of NBC’s The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice, have no more than two decades left to live. In fact, right now I’m just 10 years away from reaching the average lifespan of an American male.

    …

    Sure, I’ll have a grand, opulent funeral that will be talked about and broadcast extensively, and all the news segment retrospectives on my life will probably be obnoxious to watch and listen to, and will very likely make you angry. But just think: all of those segments will end with a picture of my blustery, self-important face and the dates 1946–2031 printed beneath it. Or maybe 1946–2032. Or, who knows, maybe earlier!

    …

    And if my death in 15 or 20 years feels like it’s too far in the future to wash away your blues, you can take heart knowing that I’ll start to physically and mentally deteriorate well before then. Why, by 2020, I, a man who recently tried to extort the sitting president of the United States to release his college and passport records, might even begin to show signs of serious and unavoidable decline in mental and physical faculties, and doesn’t that just perk your spirits right up?

  • NuXCOM_90Percent@lemmy.zipEnglish
    7·
    3 hours ago

    I don’t wanna wait, For his life to be over

    I want to know right now, what will it be?

    I don’t wanna wait for his life to be over

    Will it be yes or will it be… sorry?

    Doo doo doo doooo

    Doo doo doo doooo

    Doo doo doo doo doooo

  • DaddleDew@lemmy.worldEnglish
    151·
    4 hours ago

    Reminding myself that I’ll most probably outlive Trump and Putin provides me happiness.

    • ditty@lemm.eeEnglish
      5·
      3 hours ago

      It’s a great reason to keep on living. I was thrilled when Kissinger finally croaked

      • monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        2 hours ago

        The fact that I don’t have to breathe the same air as that piece of shit, still fills me with joy. Same with Rumsfeld though not to the same degree. Waiting to line up to piss on Dick Cheney’s grave.

    • Zachariah@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      3 hours ago

      IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT

      I.
      Terezin is full of beauty.
      It’s in your eyes now so clear
      And through the street the tramp
      Of many marching feet I hear.
      In the ghetto at Terezin.
      It looks that way to me,
      Is a square kilometer of earth
      Cut off from the world that’s free.

      II.
      Death, after all, claims everyone,
      You find it everywhere.
      It catches up with even those
      Who wear their noses in the air.
      The whole, wide world is ruled
      With a certain justice, so
      That helps perhaps to sweeten
      The poor man’s pain and woe.