Sometimes I feel like we need a government appointed slapper, a person who’s job it is to look dickheads up and be authorized to give them a big slap across their face for being assholes.

Bodyguards would not be allowed to prevent it, and a report on why the slap was delivered would be presented.

In this case the report would say:

Slap ID: 2025-01-427

Reason for slap: Being an uncaring idiot

Details: Slapee forgot about the value of family and personal growth, made statements and took actions to reduce those to unsustainable levels. This was based on slapee’s own missersble work history and mistaken assumption that slapee’s personal choices in the past is the only correct choice by modern workers. This is currently false and was false in the past as well. Slapee is reminded that their own choices and failings should not be forced onto others.

Expected outcome from slap: Slapee takes a week off work and experience their own personal life to experience the value of it, then spends six months in intensive therapy sorting out their own life to be a better leader.

Possible future actions: If Slapee neglects to take action to correct their behavior, the ministry of punching may need to be contacted and further percussive encouragement may be delivered.