One time when I was in highschool, I was having those flashbacks. Memories of things I said that made me cringe. So I decided in order to stop creating more of those, I would keep quiet as much as possible. I’d only talk when someone talks to me.
The next day a classmate had a fight with his friend and switched places to sit next to me. I kept my rule and only spoke when spoken to. It was awkward silence the whole day. By the end I saw him moving back to sit with his old friend.
“I thought you were with droning_in_my_ears?”
“I tried, but he doesn’t say anything!”
Damn. Could’ve made a new friend. That’s when I decided better cringe than boring and ended my mute phase.
As an adult, I find people appreciate me more when I speak less. If I don’t say much, speak slowly, and only open my mouth when the conversation will be improved by it, I tend to be well liked.
The more someone really gets to know me, the less they tend to like me. I think. My wife tells me people like me a lot, but I don’t really see any evidence of that. I think I’m just easy to tolerate.
As to the subject of cringe memories, I have a whole litany I run through every time my brain tries telling me I’m a shit person. No real advice there other than the worst cringe memories were formative for me, making sure I never felt that humiliation again.
Hey, when you remember these things, think of yourself fondly. You said yourself you learned from it and grew out of it. Don’t be down on yourself about it - “What a cringey kid I was,” but forgiving. “I was a weird kid. I mean I still am, but I got better.”
Remembering stuff warps the memory, taints it with how you feel at the moment. so don’t continue to beat yourself up. Be nicer to you. That self-forgivness and kindness will pay off.
Aw how nice of you :D
Yeah this story is so long ago. I don’t have as many flashbacks anymore. When I do I usually yell:
“Memories of the past, let me be!”
Seems to work.
It sometimes feels unfair, that there’s no easy way to succeed in these situations. The solution seemed easy at first; just talk less. But that introduces more complexity and risks. It’s dumb. I used to feel like everyone else had an easy time deciding when to use these strategies and I just couldn’t get the hang of it
I can remember a bunch of times I said something stupid, and my subconscious mind keeps bringing those up every now and then.
How many times have other people said dumb things? Oh, that happens pretty much every week, but I can remember only a couple of them. There are at least thousands of moments like that, but why can’t I remember most of them?
Also, my subconscious mind doesn’t remind me of events like that. Those memories just don’t randomly resurface when I’m trying to fall asleep or when I’m standing at the bus stop. It’s like my brain has been programmed to forgive everyone else but myself.
Oh, but if we assume everyone else is like me, that would mean pretty much nobody remembers any of the stupid things I’ve said in the pas. Even if someone does remember something, it’s going to be just one screwup instead of hundreds. Also. They aren’t actively thinking about it every week, nor are you likely to bring it up in a conversation.
I think I’m just fine. No need to worry about these things. When an idea like that pops up, I’ll mentally package it and send that box off to a volcano.
