"Silly me, how could I not realised that the real victims here are the men who have to live in fear of women who talk about their genuine fears of being killed."
but I also think it’s not reasonable to expect people to always stay silent when someone’s venting/feelings leads them to make broad, declarative statements about the badness/problems of a large heterogenous group.
Venting to your best friend or friend group is not the same as venting in a public forum. Or even to your male partner. Understanding the issue so that it can be solved in a systematic way is our default reaction, not “oh she just wants to vent let’s hug her”. We don’t even have the same emotional response to that, source as of yet unknown. Going out on a limb: Probably not all nature, probably not all nurture.
That said, the proper answer still isn’t “not all men” simply because it doesn’t have the proper impact. “I don’t understand why you’re angry at me” is a much better way to stop an “all men” rant mid-sentence because now you’re not opening an abstract discussion about the nature of the universe but telling her about the direct emotional turmoil and therefore labour she’s causing, leading her to re-evaluate the relative importance of both. YMMV when it comes to online but in-person I can definitely recommend it.
Venting to your best friend or friend group is not the same as venting in a public forum. Or even to your male partner. Understanding the issue so that it can be solved in a systematic way is our default reaction, not “oh she just wants to vent let’s hug her”. We don’t even have the same emotional response to that, source as of yet unknown. Going out on a limb: Probably not all nature, probably not all nurture.
That said, the proper answer still isn’t “not all men” simply because it doesn’t have the proper impact. “I don’t understand why you’re angry at me” is a much better way to stop an “all men” rant mid-sentence because now you’re not opening an abstract discussion about the nature of the universe but telling her about the direct emotional turmoil and therefore labour she’s causing, leading her to re-evaluate the relative importance of both. YMMV when it comes to online but in-person I can definitely recommend it.