NevelioKrejall

I’m glad she lived!

Mine isn’t this bad, but I can relate to the first-day-on-Adderall thing. It was wild when I walked into my messy bathroom an hour after that first dose and my brain just went: “It is possible, even reasonable for you to clean this bathroom, in a finite amount of time, without every moment filling you with dread. This task will not consume your whole life day.” My brain had simply never done that before. I could just choose to do something and–perhaps more importantly–to stop doing something. I remember I was hyperfixating working on a hobby project at 11 PM on a work night and my brain went: “If you stop working now, brush your teeth and go to bed, this fun project will still be here for you to work on tomorrow. You don’t have to keep at it until 6 AM and then go to work without sleeping.” That seemed like such a foreign concept at the time. It was weird to hear that from my own brain, not in a “you’re being bad” way, but in a “it’s going to be okay” way. There was a lot of happy crying those first few weeks.

Just wish I’d been diagnosed in college instead of in my mid-30s. I might have graduated.

People like to throw around the word ‘lazy’ but it’s more like I can’t turn it on OR off unless I’m medicated. Once I’m in the zone I will work until I grow a beard, then wither away, then my crumbling skeleton grows a beard. It would be a powerful thing if I could aim it.

This way of thinking only serves to punish yourself and does nothing to actually help your dog. Dogs get into stuff they shouldn’t. The thing you were supposed to do is exactly what you did, get them to the vet when you realize they are sick. You have no way of knowing what life your dog would have had without you. Some people get dogs and deliberately abuse them. Some neglect them and leave them to starve, chained up in the yard. Some let them wander off-leash and get hit by cars. Some take perfect care of them, and the dog still gets sick from congenital issues or simple freak accident.

You cannot undo the past. You can only do your best to be there for your dog now. Let the vets do their work, and trust that they want her to get through this just as much as you do. And I hope she does get through it. It’s out of your hands now.

What you can do is assume she will come through it and plan out how to give her an even better future. If a particular part of keeping house is difficult, ask a trusted friend or relative to come over and hang out while you work on it, and remind you what you’re supposed to be doing if you get distracted or lose steam. If something would be easier to do with a specific tool, buy that tool. If you can keep the mess localized in one part of the house, buy a toddler gate to restrict your dog’s access. Get a set of clothes that are your ‘cleaning suit.’ Wear it when you clean. If you need to clean, put it on. Wash one dish. Pick up one piece of litter. That first step is the hard one. Make it easier on yourself.

You can’t rewire the human brain, but you can plan around it. Make an effort to try and do a little better, and forgive yourself when you fall short. Piling negativity and blame onto yourself may feel perversely correct, even righteous, but it doesn’t actually solve the problem. Be pragmatic in the extreme. Meet yourself where you’re at, not where you think you ought to be.

I believe in you.

That was so incredibly disappointing.

If I’m not the farmer?

I would follow a pre-scripted path depending on the day of the week and season, and refuse to accept more than two gifts. I would be a romance option, but the annoying kind that stays inside most of the time so it’s hard to build rapport.

For extra credit, I would post ads inexplicably asking for someone to bring me a topaz to rub on my sore knees.