A kind, bumbling entertainer who had to go travelling after he accidentally dropped what he thought was a prop sword through the chest of a noble. He never means to hurt anyone, but he keeps slipping in battle and hitting their vital organs. It’s just an accident. He’s definitely not doing it on purpose. (In reality, he’s an assassin with an elaborate cover story)

A 900 year old elf, which is really old, even for elves. He’s a forest guardian looking for allies, but everyone just assumes he’s a crazy old man. His entire backstory is a pun I refuse to tell, or even set up, until I get to play him.

A man who always wanted to be a bard, but was unable to use magic until he slept with a groupie and she became his stalker. She watches him, sends him messages, and even gives him weird gifts. In case it’s not clear, he is an archfey warlock.

A powerful wizard from another world. Sadly, magic works differently here, and he couldn’t get used to the change. He is trying, but in the meantime, he needs to pay the bills. Hitting stuff still works the same, so he’s a fighter with aims of being an eldritch knight. And he uses a flail he painted red that he calls a fireball.

Magic is fictional. Therefore, it can do whatever the heck you want it to. Do you want magic to win? Then it does. Who’s going to tell you otherwise?

This time, Trump is intelligent, and it’s OPs fault it’s happening.

Granted. Trump is now fully capable of stripping the people of their rights to enrich the state and turn America into an effective fascist engine of war. He then turns his machine on the rest of the world to spread the goodness of America.

Remember that time they used CG to bring back Peter Cushing in Rogue One? Remember how bad it looked? Remember how disrespectful it was? Maybe we shouldn’t do it again.