If i remember correctly, Sid learned his lesson and changed his ways though

Onion had to resort to fictional characters to avoid publishing real news

I would guess that tires are the cars’ equivalent of shoes (reasons for that I’ll leave as an exercise to the reader), so a car with a fetish for feet would obsess over the mounting humps or something else covered with a tire.

Arbitrarily high if you write the number on your palm

No, you have to pay extra for that