I heard the term “sapphic-coded male” the other day and it hit home in terms of accuracy, and highlighted for me how such a possibility really isn’t acknowledged by a part of the left.
There seems to be an association that to be a man you can’t value things that women do, or have feminine traits or behaviors, and still be a straight man.
The right is very open about this in a hateful malicious way, the left less so, it’s incredibly present in the language used and for more practical examples look at some well known trans women like Contrapoints, Abigail Thorne, and November Kelly. Their ability to present as sexual beings and say suggestive and explicit things is way different as women than it ever was as men.
If a guy openly talk about his love of bondage and kink and just being horny they’re either coded as on the right or a creep if they’re talking about women (being a thirsty gay guy is ok because they’re not straight) but if you’re a woman who likes women then culturally it’s fine.
To be clear I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the above individuals and I’m a big fan of all three, which is how this observation came about.
Similarly going on Tumblr or bluesky and seeing posts by women about how they don’t get why heterosexual guys don’t like cutesy things or behaviors or relationships like bi/gay women do and I want to scream because those guys completely exist and want those things, the division of men into the groups of “stereotypical masc hetero guy” and “gay or non-binary” isn’t real and a the left helps perpetuate it by coding heterosexuality as bad or conservative. Also yes I’m saying the left but more accurately mean whatever we’re calling the 2025 descendant of Tumblr feminism
What the fuck does “sapphic-coded male” even mean? That’s a nonsense term, it doesn’t make any sense in any way.
It’s an interesting spin, I think. I believe it is supposed to represent masculinity minus its associated « oppressive qualities ». Male existence is often construed as an abject repulsion of what menaces its dominion as a class (the reason why male homosexuality is a particular object of hate). The problem with those depictions, of course, is its reification of sexual orientations and gender expressions.
Yeah, but that’s not what the phrase literally means. And what it literally means doesn’t make any sense. It’s like those idiots who say they’re a lesbian trapped in a mans body. That’s not how it works.
Not on a sexual orientation level sure I take it as more a cultural thing, an example would be the stereotype that men are all about penetrative sex, when some men are all about the emotional connection, cuddling, teasing, things that are more associated with women in general and openly with leftist lesbian/bi culture, men can feel they identify with that more than the stereotype of “am penis go in hole yet?”
Absolutely.
Pardon my French but what the fuck is a sapphic coded male?
Last I heard sapphic means lesbian?
Yes, Sapphic is of Sappho, a poet from the Greek island of Lesbos. I still have no clue what a sapphic coded male means.
Personally i dont have that issue because to me, by definition, anything I like is what heterosexual men like because I am a heterosexual man. I might not enjoy wearing dresses or so but I am not very hesitant to do whatever the fuck I want because it might be unmanly.
I will grant you though that there is a harmful association being made between being heterosexual, male, and a right winger that is a little alienating to like, all the
normalnot right wing men.I am not very hesitant to do whatever the fuck I want because it might be unmanly.
We often talk about some positive aspects of masculinity and I think not caring what is manly might be the most positive masculine thing. This is exactly my attitude. I am a Man so everything I do is manly even if its traditionally feminine. Yeah I garden and cook but in my own masculine way since I am a man.
If a guy openly talk about his love of bondage and kink and just being horny they’re either coded as on the right or a creep if they’re talking about women (being a thirsty gay guy is ok because they’re not straight) but if you’re a woman who likes women then culturally it’s fine.
While I agree there is some demonization of straight masculinity but I don’t think this is a “left” or “right” thing but part of the general sex negativity in the culture. I do think that queers and women have worked hard to retake their sexuality and I think some straight men have done it but not in the same way.
I would say that talking about bondage and kink can come off creepy if it isn’t done correctly but depends on the context. If you are looking for a good sex positive part of the internet I would recommend looking at Dan Savage Sex & Relationship Website. There you will find lots of straight men talking opening and honestly about kink and sex as well as those who are queer and women.
I think you got to be the change you want to see because the dominant cultural narrative is that there are one type of men which would be the “stereotypical masc hetero guy”. With this being the case when people (I mean “2025 descendant of Tumblr feminism” ) talk about “men” this is who they are talking about. If you are not those people they are not talking about you. Be yourself and redefine masculinity to be yourself.
Also I don’t think “the left” codes “heterosexuality as bad or conservative” but the right says that is the case without any support.
I can very much relate to what you’re saying in this post. And it is incredibly frustrating
I think with the rise of femboys this is becoming more acceptable.
China literally started a propaganda campaign to try to reduce the number of “effeminate men” that were growing in their country.
It’s happening, but the cutesy guys are also not a super vocal minority.
Everything I’ve ever heard about femboys has (a) been exclusively online and (b) implied they take it up the ass. Not saying there is anything wrong with this, but effeminate gay men is the opposite of what OP is talking about.
(b) implied they take it up the ass.
FYI That doesn’t mean they aren’t straight, there are trans women who have the ability and are comfortable doing that, and if a femboy and a trans women are in a relationship like that, it’s straight.
Imma go out on a limb and say wanting someone to shove their cock up your ass is gay. Which is fine. You do you. But, like, it’s gay.
There are straight femboys
Their lack of representation in any zeitgeist I’ve encountered is kind of OP’s point.
I mean I hear more talk about gender problems than actually living or experiencing any issues myself. Seems exhausting trying to label everything all the time with ever increasing granularity.
I agree. I do experience some most of which are being underprepared, untrained or without support for feminine coded things. (such as child rearing, grooming and cloth shopping for example in order). But not in my day to day
I very much identify with this.
So, I’ll start by identifying as being homeschooled. I am a fairly attractive guy, I’m also very nice and curtious. I’m open emotionally and try to make everyone feel welcome. When I was younger, I definitely accidentally led on a couple of guys. I thought I was getting invited over because I thought I must be such a cool guy. Turns out he wanted my weiner. I did not oblige him… with all do respect.
I used to go to 80s night at the local gay club all the time. Usually, I always had a good time. I certainly had offers, and that crowd has no shame. But I never had a desire to experiment.
I’ve always only shown love. It’s not my place to judge.
I have my own beliefs about that kinda thing though. It’s inadvisable, undesirable, incompatible, intendable, untenable, degrading, disturbing, disgracing, and wrong. Sorry.
No idea why you need made-up words or why you give a fuck. I’m as straight as they come, I’d peg the Kinsey scale for hetero, and 50+ women can attest. I also wear women’s clothes now and again, engage in “feminine” activities, all that. I wear combat boots with scarves, shoot guns and grow flowers. My first wife called me her “gay husband who likes pussy”.
I don’t feel, well, any of the frustration you seem to feel. Maybe I just don’t care about fitting, something… anything…? Sounds like you spend too much time trying to fit into online social groups. You’re right, there’s not really a word for us, but I can’t be assed to think on it.
Where are you catching this rejection you sound like you’re feeling?
For most people their social presentation and perception is very important. I’ve gotten to care less as I got older and atarted understanding the shortcomings of my family in that regard.
But not everyone gets to be that lucky. It can be very scary to so something that might just not quite fit in with the social group you’re around. Humans are social animals after all, even though getting isolated no longer is a death sentence, it can still hurt.
