Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
Will anyone visiting know the difference?
Counterpoint, it was already stupid.
Yes, but this time it will be on purpose.
Is it The Onion? Or Not the Onion?
Yes
Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.
It’s on APNews too - it’s real
It’s not satire, they are purchasing it for real.
Fucking awesome. Onion has been hitting it hard lately, and this is just the cherry on top. I am hopeful this makes some chuds question their minds.
So…the onion is now donating money to Alex Jones.
Thats kinda fucked.
It’s a bankruptcy auction, and he’s bankrupt because he was sued by Sandy Hook families. Some of those families gave money to the Onion to buy InfoWars so Alex Jones is losing his platform and his money.
It sucks for him more than it helps him really.
That’s not how bankruptcy filings work
nope
Next week’s headlines “Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State” or some other wackass shit.
Press secretary would be perfect.
Oh my god what a power move. More power to them, seriously. Best outcome we could have gotten
They should harness the crazy for good. Make conspiracy theory-sounding stories, but make them factual and get people to take positive action.
“They created chemicals you can inject into the bloodstream that keeps them from getting the Measels.”
“The overlords in their golden towers want to tell you who you are and aren’t allowed to love.”
The vaccine one would probably be better as: “independent thinking researchers developed a means of using your own body’s immune response to prevent diseases with a mere injection. Some of them even refused to patent it. But then the media started lying to you about them, trying to get you to stop accepting these miracles? Why, just so some companies could make more money selling you proprietary snake oil to keep you comfortable while you’re sick.”
Big Essential Oil ruining the day again.
I’m totally for this and I bet it would work, too. We’ve seen the level of ignorance that went into how people chose to vote. If OnionWars puts up those kinds of stories, along with the occasional article declaring Jones actually still owns InfoWarts and any news stating otherwise is fake, they could ease these nutjobs back to sanity.
This is brilliant. Please send them an email with this idea.
I would love this.
This is fucking hilarious, best news I’ve heard in forever.
They should run it like it was. Then in about a year, just subtly start changing the context. Then before you know it, they are going to start supporting progressive topics.
Where did they move? Where is Alex Jones on now?
I think he’s getting sued or something
THEY TURNED THE FREAKIN FROG GAY!!!
ITS NOT FUNNY!!!
Wait, is it real?
They should send Alex Jones a $1 “royalty” check every month - just so that he doesn’t forget it.
Make it $0.01. No need to waste too much money.
Nah. They should just make sure the checks bounce.
