her mother died 2 weeks ago.
I told her I’m sorry but after thinking about what to say I couldn’t come with anything better than repeating sorry again. She then told me and another coworker how she died.
I want to show her that I care but I don’t want her mother’s death to become the elephant in the room each time we talk.
This is not romantic in any way.
Big lasagna. There will be days she’s too sad to cook. It can be frozen and saved.
We tend to give people giftcards to food places (like a few different ones they can pick).
We had some folks do that for us when my wife’s mom died and it did actually help. It relived some stress of having to come up with dinner when you’re depressed and sad. Getting out and eating at a restaurant can help you feel more connected to others or ordering delivery can help when you’re a mess and don’t want to be with others.
House cleaning gift certificates are also nice, if you know folks are already overwhelmed with casseroles. Same idea, taking some burden off their plate, freeing up their time off to grieve.
https://www.mollymaid.com/gift-certificates/
Another great idea!
I feel like that’s a personal preference. I remember my wife’s father dying, and her mother was an emotional wreck. She was so angry that people kept giving her food, and it just upset her more every time something was left. Obviously, she was kind to the people, but after they left, she was angry and basically told all her siblings take it all now otherwise it’s being thrown out. She threw out tons of good food…
I don’t agree with that, but the one thing I did notice was it’s also difficult to even manage getting all that food as well. It became it’s own problem since finding places to put it all was hard, and I’m sure not something you wanna deal with at that time either.
On the other hand this was all in the first week, OP states it’s been a few weeks, and maybe it would be nice to receive since they probably aren’t getting much now.
Another option I’ve seen is a sign up sheet for meals, so people didn’t randomly do everything at once.
I don’t know her and I’m not a psychologist but that sounds an awful like she’s projecting. I’d bet it wasn’t the food she was angry with.
When we went through a frankly tragedy the big lasagna was amazing. We didn’t have to find or worry about anything and we could just do it on autopilot.
Maybe ask first if she’s lactose intolerant? You don’t want to give her a gift of diarrhea.
This is Jewish tradition, btw. Not lasagna, but you give a dish so the family can grieve at shiva without having to worry about cooking.
In the southern US, we have “funeral potatoes”. Easy casserole.
Italian too. Hence the lasagna.
Big lasagna and some flowers and emphasize that they’re for her. Tell her that you are a good shoulder to cry on if she needs it. Call her at home after a week and maybe after 2 weeks and say that you’re just checking that she’s ok.