I grew up in a rough household. We had holes punched into the walls, doors torn off the frames, my siblings and I saw regular abuse, and as a kid I constantly felt like I had to do things to keep the family held together.
I felt like I was treated by my parents as a servant. They constantly threw away anything I remotely liked, and continued stacking chores on me, especially those that weren’t my own mess. They gave me the boot shortly before graduation, and long story short, I finally got a place for myself after years of effort.
I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair. Like you escape hell after all these years, and the first thing expected from you is to find a job. I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me? Why after all this time of putting up with the crap you have instead of being a kid are you just expected to step in line like everyone else when you never got that opportunity to find who you are and simply enjoy life for what it is.
I don’t know, is this lazy? It’s not that I don’t want to work, but why can’t I be a kid? Why can’t I have some time to reclaim what all was taken from me and have some time to enjoy myself rather than grasp at random short memories I had before I was 5? Everyone else got it, why not me?
I don’t know, am I just rambling about nothing?
Maybe you might want to try out a different perspective. Because weirdly, being an adult can give you the freedom of being more childlike.
Think of it this way…as a child, no matter what kind of home life you had, abusive or not, you had to go to school for much of the day. As an adult, the same thing applies. Except now you’ll be at work instead of school. So realistically, that part is actually the same if that makes sense. The time each takes out of your day is roughly equivocal.
Ok. So then where does that take us? The time spent during work or school is similar. So now the real differences are going to come outside of work/school.
As a kid, what happened outside of school? Your life was hell. You didn’t get to play and do kid things the way a normal kid does.
Aa an adult, what happens outside of work? Believe it or not, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
That’s right.
Want ice cream for dinner? Fuck it, you’re an an adult and can do what you want. Want to buy some toys and play with them? Fuck it, you’re an adult and can do what you want. Want to climb a tree? Fuck it, you’re an adult and can do what you want.
Use the now to live the childhood you didn’t have. Difference is instead of spending your non play time at school, you’ll just be at work instead, earning your own money to do whatever the fuck you want. :)
Best of luck.
The purpose of school is to get you used to going to a grey building with people you hate every day
The downside is there is no summer/winter break. I’m at the point that I’m severely burnt out; i have had exactly 1 vacation in the 10 years since i got out of school, and it was a little over a week long several years ago.
My paid time off sits unused because it pays out if i quit or lose my job, and i will need that cash. I desperately could use a solid month off without being penalized for “existing while not outputting labor”, and it most likely just isn’t going to happen.
Something to think about, though of course do whatever makes the most sense for your circumstances: what’s better - maintaining your current pace of work, without meaningful breaks, in a way that only further pushes you into burnout and risks impacting job performance to the point you could be let go for cause. Or, using your PTO, which is part of your compensation package, to take breaks and at least try to get some downtime to mitigate burnout, which generally has a positive impact on job performance and with that reduces the probability of being let go with cause?
Not going to lie and say you couldn’t get blindsided and screwed either way, but with very few exceptions I always think not taking your PTO is a mistake.
Will acknowledge I don’t know your circumstances and don’t mean any offense. If what you’re doing makes sense from a long-term survival perspective, then do what makes sense.