bellawhiskey.ca/trollegle

I usually blast my grievances to the greater fediverse. Some passerby may read my woes and wipe a tear.

that’s also something I won’t get over.

Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won’t suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.

It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won’t. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.

I don’t go anywhere and it’s probably killing me slowly thru vices. I don’t see a better option tho.

TV, Movies, distracting entertainment.

Writing poetry, worldbuilding and write stories in it.

My favorite Youtuber is Jacksepticeye. Vey wholesome, very funny, no weirdness like the other ones. Always have a progressive view on the world. Like you can feel it when he talks about stuff.

I re-watch his old videos to feel the nostalgia.

I don’t have anyone to talk to either, but when ever I hear or read about other’s struggles, on wikipedia, new stories, videos, forum posts, I feel as though I talking to a friend and sharing our struggles. It give you perspective, it make you feel less lonely, knowing that you are not alone, other share similar struggles.

I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake

I saw your previous post and I just want to say, as an internet stranger that only knows what I’ve read, I think that you did nothing wrong and I hope that you reach the point where you can see that and believe it for yourself. I’ll be fair and say that at most, you both fucked up. But that’s just in the interest of fairness towards people I don’t actually know. I don’t believe it though. In fact, the way it went down, it just proves that you had good reason to not be 100% truthful at the start. And I don’t believe the results would’ve been any different anyway. The only thing that I agree with that person about is that you need to believe in your own self worth.

As for your question, let me know if you get a good answer lol. At least being able to get things off your chest on an anonymous platform and hopefully get helpful advice is the next best thing.

Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist… that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn’t have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she’s more of a CBT coach.

I’m trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.

As I’m likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I’ve had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.

For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can’t trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we’re separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn’t help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.

What I don’t understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We’re higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.

I don’t think it’s that anyone actually cares about me, I’m an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft’s story of the same name. They just don’t want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.

Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we’re all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I’ve been told by 77 million American voters they don’t want me around. I don’t understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?

PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn’t work.

Nowhere? Sit with my own sadness. Go to the gym and work my frustration out on weights. Play games and forget? Unfortunately none of them healthy coping mechanisms, but talking to close ones leads to more issues because I’m very bad at putting my feelings into words without causing distress to others apparently. So inwards it goes.

Not as if the universe cares, so why should I?..

Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to

Don’t feel sorry.

Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.

As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)

I come here.

You may notice I’m here a lot.

Find a therapist. Online therapy can be affordable and accessible.

that’s also something I won’t get over

This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.

In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.

I am an old man. I have often felt like this a lot in my life. I also have had problems with PTSD and depression from my history. Within the past few years my kids have been diagnosed with various neuro divergencies and this has taught me much about myself and this way if thinking.

I have learned fairly recently that a lot of my feelings like this are related to the differences in my brain and a so called “normal” brain and learning about why I had this thought process really has helped me understand why this happens to me. It all was because I cared about my kids and saw the same things happening to them. I just wanted them to avoid all the mental anguish I experienced in life.

It has been so enlightening and mostly came from sitting with them during their diagnosis and treatments and learning about how these things are genetic (possibly why it’s so difficult to talk to your family about it as well) and passed from parents to kids.

Go to a doctor. You are Canadian I assume by your user name. Tell them how you feel. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional. Depending on where you live there may also be a mental health help line to do all that stuff so you don’t actually have to go anywhere.

Please take care of yourself. Should you find that I am someone you could perhaps talk to about your problems feel free to reach out. If not I encourage you to find someone. Keeping all that inside leads to more problems than fewer and can easily destroy your life and those you love when unchecked and unchallenged. You can do this! One step at a time and one day at time.

I daydream. I’ll “go” somewhere else. I know it’s no more than me talking to myself, but I’ll daydream someone who really likes me or cares for me, and I’ll “talk” to them. Not really to fix it, but to kind of resolve it.

I was extremely unpopular in school and I’m an only child of a single mother. I spent a lot of time by myself, and still do. I’ve had a lot of practice.

No where. There’s only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.