I sure have a lot of feelings about this for someone who “got away without trauma”
This makes me so sad.
My son’s mom was like this to both of us. I was able to leave with joint custody. When he was a teenager he would fight back by pushing her buttons. She would call me, enraged, stating I needed to talk to him. He has learned to cope somewhat since he still lives in her house even though he can afford to move out and find a frugal place to live.
On the drawing too loud, that could easily be an undiagnosed neurodivergent person with auditory sensitivity. People who are unaware of their neurodivergence can sometimes be the biggest assholes about it. I also have auditory sensitivity and it gets much worse and harder to deal with when I’m stressed and/or sleep deprived. In that state persistent irregular noises are much more likely to make me have a meltdown, especially if I can’t escape. For someone who doesn’t know what’s happening and doesn’t have healthy coping strategies that situation can easily become a meltdown directed at the most immediate irritant, in this case their child, which is really awful for the child. I was in that position a lot as a kid and it fucking sucks. I hated my parents. I’m not sure I can ever forgive them for how they treated me but I know now it wasn’t malicious. Still, the damage was done.
You can’t control being neurodivergent, but you can 100% do something about your reaction to it. Being an asshole is not part of it, if you’re choosing to respond to being overstimulated by “drawing too loud” with aggression towards your kid, that’s just you making a choice in how to deal with it, don’t blame the tism.
My friend, you may want to look up emotional disregulation.
We’re literally fcking handicapped on the control part
Well this hurt my soul, I’m going to hug my little one twice as long after school now.
God, I hope you are able to give your children a loving and safe environment, because as someone who was abused as a child, that shit stays with you for life
I know, I just scooped my son up and kissed his forehead 😭
The perpetual abuse system of getting hit for crying is a very effective way to teach kids how to dissociate. I can even sit through a Katy Perry concert now.
I sometimes wonder if my preference for stoicism and grey rocking is because of that. God forbid any emotions at the dinner table.
I just call my dissociation meditation (I wasn’t abused, I’m just mentally ill).
Neither can I but that’s because the entire time I’d be trying to devise a way to send the bitch back into space
Edit: Derp. I thought you said you can’t. I need sleep.
Sometimes I like to wonder what the world would be like if therapy was a human right
Therapy is healthcare, and I don’t see why healthcare shouldn’t be considered a human right
By our current understand, it already ought to be
Therapy attendance rates have been in steep rise since 2000. So everyone’s mental health is obviously improving at the same rate.
Sarcasm aside, I think therapy should be as ubiquitous as open heart surgeries. Sure, go there if you need it, but perhaps not that many people need it and perhaps it should be last resort thing instead of an everyday solution.
I tend to think society should be organized in a way that people don’t need therapy to cope with.
That’s a good call. How would that work?
Given the history on human rights, there’d be campaigns pointing out that people aren’t getting therapy.
Otherwise, not much different
What I have always hated is the comparison of my life to theirs. The comments like, “You think you’ve got it bad?, You think you’re abused?, You don’t know how good you’ve got it!” That shit infuriates me. Even as an adult my mom especially refuses to see me as a full and complete person worth real empathy and equality. It is like I’m somehow some kind of project she thinks she can reign control over when I’m in midlife at this point. It is always this mournful and ridiculous comparison game from her where she eventually falls back on the God and Christianity solves everything slant rather than actually self reflecting on anything or sharing any real advice or wisdom. She’d rather be “godly” while simultaneously being ridiculously judgmental of everyone around her, but never herself. It sucks and is completely irrational. I’d love it if my mom would just go to therapy and unload all that shit rather than carrying it with her as some kind of righteous struggle she thinks life has to be.
Yeah I’m almost forty and still have to remind my parents I’m an adult
Sucks right? I have to constantly remind them that I don’t exist to adhere to your worldview or necessarily make you happy. I’m not an automaton. I’m a real person, with my own life, my own family, my own emotions, and my own stuff. It isn’t about you anymore, but I’m always here and happy to help should you need me. Just don’t push it you know?
deleted by creator
those people clearly don’t have kids of their own.
the mom is not “having beef” with you kid, she’s lost her life and her mind and cracked.
and the dad was on his third mental breakdown that day looking for anything to rationalize why he’s hyperventilating.
it was not the kids fault and any parent taking it out on their own kid is fucked, but they are not irrational monsters either.
You’re making assumptions, and from the perspective of the kids the mom was indeed having beef with them and the father couldn’t stand them drawing too loud regardless of their reason.
Do you think them having kids would change that perspective? Make them one day think “after having 3 mental breakdowns today, I can now see why my non-irrational parents had those continuous lapses of rationality where they took their frustrations on me”?
The post is a meme-like discussion of about 100 words. Everyone is making assumptions here.
any parent taking it out on their own kid is fucked, but they are not irrational monsters either.
I hate to say it, some people are just monsters who find happiness in other’s sorrow. I’m sure some abusive parents are like you describe where they’re unable to manage their stress, but from some individuals I’ve encountered I simply have to accept that some people are simply terrible people
