• wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    8·
    9 days ago

    For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:

    There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.

    What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.

    • ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      2·
      8 days ago

      I went to the gym with my sister a couple of times. She’s really serious about weight lifting. Each time we went, several random men would tell her how impressed they were. Later she said that men very rarely approached her like that when she was at the gym alone. I figure that they didn’t want to seem like creeps so they were more comfortable talking to her when she was with another guy (me).

      • tetris11@lemmy.ml
        1·
        8 days ago

        I went on a mushroom picking course with my sister once. It was very strange how people (in general, but yes mostly women) were talking to me compared to when she left early. It’s uh, yeah, it is what it is

    • EisFrei@lemmy.world
      0·
      9 days ago

      “teasing me every chance she gets” sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.

      • curbstickle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        2·
        9 days ago

        Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.

        My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…

        Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.

        Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.

        So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.

        • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          1·
          9 days ago

          Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.

          Don’t forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren’t signals for another

    • MrSpArkle@lemmy.ca
      0·
      9 days ago

      I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.

      Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.

      Definitely a bit of vetting going on

      • shastaxc@lemm.ee
        3·
        9 days ago

        You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people

        • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
          01·
          8 days ago

          It’s weird how you’re getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.

          • Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works
            1·
            8 days ago

            It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.

            • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
              01·
              8 days ago

              Tomato tamato. You end up in the same place and the journey looks the same.

              • Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works
                1·
                8 days ago

                I disagree - it’s the difference between a “lol, women only become interested when you’re not available anymore” trope v. “You were a single dude in a sea of single dudes, now you’re attached and in a smaller pool of nonmonogomous dudes. Pool is smaller, so more bites”.

                Or this was entirely clear in the other post if reading between the lines, and I’m just very tired.

  • UnculturedSwine@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    2·
    8 days ago

    As a gay man who passes as straight, you can get a lot of gal pals just by treating women as friends instead of potential partners. A lot of women don’t really need a relationship, they just want a friendship.

    • CleoTheWizard@lemmy.worldEnglish
      01·
      7 days ago

      That’s not it chief, plenty of women want relationships. The issue is just that men don’t care to have them on the terms of women, men want relationships that cater to their needs or desires primarily.

      Then the other half of it is that they’ve had so many men pretend to value their needs but then drop them the moment they show even a little bit of pullback or discomfort. So women realize that men don’t really care about them as people, they just want the end results.

      So by agreeing to be friends with them, there’s no physicality to it and the only way friendships work is if that give and take exists. Which makes it much easier to appreciate someone’s good characteristics without the pressure men give to make such quick determinations.

      Source: a bisexual that watches straight men cockblock themselves with their personalities constantly

  • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
    2·
    9 days ago

    I mean this is really not hard to understand dude. Women often have to deal with dumb asses that take every act of friendliness as an invitation to have sex. So now that she knows that you are in a relationship she feels more comfortable to talk to you because you (hopefully) are now busy being attracted to your gf instead of her and capable of having a conversation with her like a normal person.