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A coupe of hand grenades for some extra kick!
I like how you’re taking precautions by making sure your floor doesn’t get damaged from the oil splatter. Great job!
Get a pot of water ready for any flare ups!
Don’t forget that it always tastes better when the turkey is fried while frozen solid
So moist.
Thanks, Obama…
Monoammonium phosphate
Uranium 235 🤤
I’ve heard they’re best when cooked from frozen
Just go ahead and call the fire department now. It’ll save everyone time.
“Good afternoon. I would like to book 2 firetrucks and an ambulance for 3pm today. Yes, I can hold.”
I’m sorry but all of the county’s fire trucks and both ambulances have been booked. Would you like to go on the waiting list?
Make sure to have plenty of ice to cool down the oil
To shreds you say?
To smithereens
Well, how’s his wife holding up?
To shreds you say?
Well, at least the children…
Was their apartment rent controlled?
She’s good.
Can confirm she’s good
Medium rare even.
Gasoline
If your oil is a bit too hot toss in some ice cubes
be sure to fill that baby alllll the way up before dropping the bird in from about counter-height.
Also make sure the bird is frozen totally solid before slamming it in
Edit: Goddamnit I should have read the other comments first lol. Sorry for the 1000th repeat!
From helicopter height.
Oh, the humanity!
We usually invite the whole family to watch the bird plopping ceremony.
“All right kids! Gather 'round! We’re gonna plop the turkey!!”
I’m just so glad all the comments have such useful advice for folks. I second the tips suggesting throwing it in frozen and adding more water when things get spicy.
Just a pinch of a fire truck on standby should do the trick.
I suggest a nice marinade
Carbon monoxide, my favorite seasoning
I have several drunken and glib responses ranging from actual seasoning advice to something about the season of the witch. How-the-fuck-ever…
Run. Just fucking run. Neighbors? Kids? Whatever. Run.
